Naperville City Council, Year 2039

Quick, name two Naperville city council members in 1999. O.K, so you got former Naperville Mayor George Pradel correct, but you’re drawing a blank on a second council member? Twenty years from now, all the current city council members, other than maybe Mayor Steve Chirico, will be a distant memory, if a memory at all. That’s the point, there will be an entirely new crew on the council. City council member names will become just footnotes in history, but ramifications of their decisions will live on for generations (Fox Valley Mall). What might Naperville look like in 2039, what will be the top two issues the city council will be grappling with, and what will the council look like. It might look something like this:

With the ongoing, passionate effort of Naperville’s former one-term council member, Becky Anderson to turn Naperville into a sanctuary city, Naperville’s population will be pushing 3.2 million people, with busloads of people arriving daily at Anderson’s Book Store; their only requirement is to buy a book and taking an oath not to purchase books from Amazon.

Naperville will continue to pride itself in having no homeless people, however Ogden Avenue, 75th St., Naper Blvd and Washington Street will be lined with street dwellers with each given a Bic lighter during Christmas season providing the city with low cost holiday lighting.

Naperville will have an ordinance requiring no building be less than 150 feet high. Single family homes will no longer be allowed, unless occupied by 50 people or more.

Mayor Haywood U. Buzzoff will try to maintain order in council chambers by pounding his 20-pound gavel whenever he hears something he doesn’t like, which is most of the time. Public forum will allow speakers only one-minute to make their point, with four speakers speaking simultaneously at the podium.

Term limits will have been repealed by a council vote of 9 to 0. Council members will include Paul Bear, Bindar Dundat, Chubbina Fatzarelli, Marion Haste, Manny Lous Skruz, Ramsey el-Kaboom, R. Azmustbedraggon, and Doctor Billie Bong Bong.

The two hot issues for the 2039 city council  continue to be the Fifth Avenue Development, and whether or not the council should vote to proceed or table the issue until the following month, with the second hot issue being whether or not to approve the sale of recreational marijuana within city limits. Naperville continues to be the only city in DuPage county not to allow the sale of cannabis, but also the only city in the United States not to allow it. With the recent approval by Vatican City and Santa’s Village at the North Pole allowing the sale, Naperville wants to wait for more information before voting on the issue.

The inky shadows in the corridors of the Municipal Center will continue to be the ideal environment for deal making, and Naperville city manager Vinnie Goombotts will continue the city managers tradition of doing a great soft shoe and moon walk out of council chambers and out of the Municipal center.

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