Let’s set the record straight, I have been a Cubs fan since dirt was new. I have seen some bad Cub baseball over the years and the last two years it’s been some of the worst. With a little more effort on their part, they could end up with close to 200 losses since 2012. I know a little bit about baseball having played semi-pro ball back when the ball was square. I learned quickly that you have to be really good to make it up to big show, and I realized just as quickly that I needed to find a different career.
I also know a little bit about leadership. It’s easy to see when it’ there, and when it isn’t. The benchmark is ‘results’. Sadly to say, Naperville city officials are sorely lacking in that all important dimension; you see it in the results.
So based on that, I wondered what would it be like if Naperville city officials had a baseball team. Which of our city officials would be best suited to play which position in the first game of a double-header. This is what it might look like.
Joe McElroy (1st base) Seems to lack a little energy, so keep him close to the dugout so he won’t have to run as much.
Judy Brodhead (Catcher) Vertically challenged, so when she’s standing she looks like she’s squatting in the catcher’s position.
Bob Fieseler (Left fielder) He’s so far out there, and so far left, that’s it’s difficult to see him.
Doug Krause (Shortstop) Wants to turn the double-play, but no one covering second base to get the job done.
Doug Krieger (Manager) It’s been said, if you can’t hit, and you can’t field, and you can’t run, you might as well be the manager to tell others how to hit, field and run.
Mayor George Pradel (Announcer) He’d be like Harry Carry; no idea what’s going on, but makes it fun to listen to him.
Margo Ely (Official scorer) Knows the rules and always favors the home team that pays her.
Grant Wehrli (Right Fielder) Keep him as far away from the action as possible, since he specializes in making errors.
Paul Hinterlong (2nd baseman) Seems to relish in being second, stumbles occasionally, an prone to getting spiked.
Steve Chirico (Starting pitcher) Good control, instills confidence, and can lead a bunch of misfits.
Dave Wentz (Center Fielder) Covers a lot of ground, and makes those around him look good.
Police Chief Bob Marshall (3rd baseman) Can handle balls hit like a bullet, and can make the hard tag when necessary.
Fire Chief Mark Puknaitis (Relief Pitcher) He can put out the fire, and keep the heat on opposing batters.
We did say it was a double-header, and considering government city officials are adverse to being overworked, what would they do in the second game. It might look something like this:
Joe McElroy (Ticket taker) Seems like the kind of simple job Joe would excel at, and he’s good at keeping the line moving.
Judy Brodhead (Mascot) Would not need to wear a costume; she’s good to go as is.
Bob Fieseler (Parking lot attendant) He’s good at squeezing people into small places like electric vehicles.
Doug Krause (Umpire) He calls it like he sees it, and is willing to get booed when making the right decision.
Doug Krieger (Concession stand) He tells us it’s all healthy and good for us, when in fact, it’s all unhealthy and bad for us.
Mayor George Pradel (Scoreboard keeper) He might get the 6’s and 9’s confused, but he’s good with the rest of the numbers.
Margo Ely (Money counter) Somebody has to watch, count, and organize the money.
Grant Wehrli (Disgruntled overpaid bench warmer) Not a team player, likes to complain, and mistakenly considers himself most important.
Paul Hinterlong (Usher) Offers to help you find your seat, but inevitably takes you to the wrong seat.
Steve Chirico (Grounds keeper) Who better to keep the field looking good and the lines straight, than the successful owner of a flooring company.
Dave Wentz (Ticket seller) I’d buy a used car from him, so I surely would buy a ticket from him.
Police Chief Bob Marshall (Security) He likes to station security at all the entrances/exits to intimidate well behaved fans.
Fire Chief Mark Puknaitis (Paramedic) Nobody can perform a better Heimlich on a hotdog.
Given the choice between keeping most of these city officials in their current position of “leadership”, or starting a baseball team, I say we get the balls and bats and pick out a team name. Some of the better names are taken including, Montgomery Biscuits, Lansing Lugnuts, Toledo Mudhens, and Lehigh Iron Pigs.
How about calling the team the “Naperville Smart Meters”
